Useful phrases for the useless

Jul 20, 2021
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Australians have been diligent in coining ironic phrases to denote the completely useless, and a warning, some of these phrases get quite colourful! Firstly, there are those with a rural flavour. Such as useful as a bucket under a bull, a dead dingo's donger, a dry thunderstorm, a sore arse to a boundary rider, a wether at a ram sale, tits on a bull, or two knobs of billy-goat poop.

Then there are anatomical similes, including useful as a witch's tit, a wart on the hip, a c*nt full of cold water (or boiled snow) or a third armpit. Other phrases tend to associate objects that functionally don't go together, such as useful as a glass door on a dunny, a pocket on a singlet, a roo bar on a skateboard, a submarine with screen doors, an arsehole on a broom, a glass eye at a key hole, and an ashtray on a motorbike.

Finally, there are those that refer to things out of place, to wit: useful as a nun at a buck's night, a pork chop at a Jewish barbecue, a spare dick at a wedding, or a tart at a christening.

For more slang words from across our states and regions, visit our Australian Word Map.


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7 Comments

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John - Aug. 2, 2021, 11:32 a.m.

as handy as a hip-pocket on a dog,
or as useful as a wire-netting waterbag


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Lynnette - Aug. 3, 2021, 11:27 a.m.

As useful as t*ts on a bull.


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Daan - Aug. 3, 2021, 11:54 a.m.

As useful as a water pistol in a bush fire


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Greg - Aug. 4, 2021, 7:40 a.m.

As useful as a one-legged man in an arse kicking contest.


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Lisa - Aug. 19, 2021, 3:45 p.m.

Half of these are about women not being useful if you can't have sex with them. What's that all about, Macquarie? Any other zombie misogynisms you want to resuscitate?


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Julian - Sept. 1, 2021, 12:23 p.m.

Agreed, hardly something you'd want to be teaching kids is it?


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Lawrence - Aug. 25, 2021, 11:40 a.m.

HR abbreviation DADS- Dumb as Dog Sh**


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